proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize