No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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