The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize