Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Randomize
