why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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