What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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