i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
