The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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