And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize