every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
