Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize