Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
