We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
