i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
