I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize