We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize
