Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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