So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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