Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize