is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
