WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
