I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
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