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• (206): View more from Washington

  he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy

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• (248): View more from Michigan

  Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.

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• (270): View more from Kentucky

  I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her

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• (757): View more from Virginia

  I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk

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• (734): View more from Michigan

  I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.

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• (734): View more from Michigan

  I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.

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• (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Vodka shot parachutes

  (265): View more from

  Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room

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• (518): View more from New York

  Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer

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• (612): View more from Minnesota

  So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity

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• (602): View more from Arizona

  I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time

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• (860): View more from Connecticut

  Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything

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• (310): View more from California

  My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.

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• (519): View more from Ontario

  I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.

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• (828): View more from North Carolina

  I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning

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• (802): View more from Vermont

  I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck

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