Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize