Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize