I heard we made out
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
