How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
You may now shotgun with the bride
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
