Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
