the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Randomize
