Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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