Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
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