Princesses don't give blow jobs
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize