ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
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