nut hugger
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
