At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
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