I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
