exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
