Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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