She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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