apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I don't think brook has ever known best
it was like having sex with a tree stump
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I pour the whiskey from now on
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
