Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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