Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
