At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize