SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
