i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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