So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
