Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
