you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
