im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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