I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
