david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Randomize
