weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize