I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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