fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
