3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
please don't ironically join a cult
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