smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
