Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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