Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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