Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize