i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
