i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
The Olympian is in my bed
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
