he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
