If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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