What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
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