and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
The power of my boobs compel you
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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