wake up i wanna do it froggy style
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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