I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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