no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
