Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
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