The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
