I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
