wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize